Parents

PARENTS

We are both moms. Mimi has two daughters in college and
Michele has a daughter in 7th grade and a son in 1st grade.
We write today’s newsletter knowing how hard it is as a
parent to balance our dreams for our precious children
with the reality of their own high school journey. Plus, we
want our children to love us, not hate us for putting too
much pressure on them – how can you walk that fine line
between motivating them and over loading them? A recent
NY Times article talked about the incredible stress over
placement exams in India, a country where millions of
students compete for a small number of college slots, and
that’s only counting the spots in India, not abroad.

We talk to a lot of parents of high school students. You would
not believe how many times we hear, “My wife/husband and I have
our heart set on College X for our son/daughter…” We then have to
say something such as, “We have to warn you right up front that
it’s your CHILD who needs his/her heart set, not you, the
parent.” All the parental wishing in the world will not help a
kid get into Harvard, Princeton or Yale. Some students,
especially those from Indian, Chinese, or another Asian
backgrounds, actually have to be stronger than the other
applicants even at those schools. Why? Because they are in the
most competitive demographic applying. It’s routine for
admissions officers to see high 700s and perfect 800s on SAT
tests.

Our goal is to push kids to reach their potential, but we can’t
create an award-winning talent. For example, if a 9th grader has
no amazing skills (top French horn player, champion skater,
musician, poet…) and is taking low-level (non-honors) classes, it
is unlikely that he/she will rise to national prominence in
something in the next two years before college (you apply after
11th grade). Our job is to maximize kids’ grades, scores,
academic effort and extras to be the best they can be. Then, we
help them get into the school that is the best match at the top
end of their range – but note, range is determined by grades,
scores, national prominence in academic areas, awards, etc…. No
one can take a student in a lower range and boost them up into a
different set of schools. No matter how proud or optimistic a
parent may be, parent and students alike must understand that
they are dealing with a system over which they have no control.

Parents are not, as much as we would often like to be, the key
players, the CHILD is the key player. We try to keep the child
central to the process as it is their interests and passions we
are trying to nurture. And again, with 40% of the spots taken for
hooked candidates who are minority, athletic recruits, or
development cases, that means for an untagged student applying to
Stanford for example, the admit rate is more like 8% and the pool
is made up of valedictorians with huge national awards, talents,
etc…. Those are stiff odds, and it’s not fair to anyone to put
pressure on a student to get into a school like that. There are
no guarantees, and sometimes the most you can do is hope.

Parents simply must revise their expectations to fall in line
with their child’s proclivities or it’s a recipe for disaster and
a demoralized son or daughter.

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process more transparent. The Application Boot Camp® Self
Guided Program is an easy and accessible program for students
to enable them to complete all the pieces of their college applications
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“My son has just been accepted early action to Stanford. He used your
Self Guided Program we purchased online and we can’t begin to thank
you for the guidance.”

— Jason (Son, Stanford 2012)

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